A Moment in Thailand & Getting my Mojo Back!
April 2011
I needed Thailand. Spring break this year was in Phuket and I had been preparing for it mentally and emotionally for weeks prior. Maybe I knew in the back of my mind that something magical would happen on that trip. Something spellbinding would occur from the inside out via Thailand. And- it had to be Thailand and not any other country. Can downtime on a tropical beach really save your life?
In August I had left New York to live in Qatar. I started work at a military-type school for all boys in grades 6-12 and my colleagues were mainly British or Australians. I kept waiting for the excitement that came with starting something new and it never arrived. Changes overwhelmed me more than I realized. And instantly I started missing both home and Kuwait and thought that if I could only go back to one of them, life would feel normal again.
Now I had previously read all the books that are supposed to help you in a crisis: Eckhart Tolle, Dan Millman, and Louise Hay and up until then, I would have thought that I could handle any type of bump in the road. I had also started the practice of meditating as well as working with Tarot Cards and anticipated those to help me. Yet, in fact, I was just numb. I had to relearn survival skills and work my way up to happiness. I demanded to be happy and the sooner it happened the better!
As with any change, you are always told to take life day by day which I tried to do but my mind kept wandering off to my favorite time: the future. I dreamt of my escape and of trips down the road that were months away, vacations, and going home for the summer or just returning to New York in general. I kept thinking of just trying to get through the day or week to get to the next light at the end of the tunnel to keep me going. I looked for jobs back home that would hire teachers in October. I would research places for trips or vacations: anywhere that would allow me to escape my current reality.
As time went on, some awareness of my situation started to break through. Everything I had read started to make some sense and I realized I could actually use that information in my daily life. I had to start believing that happiness was a choice. I had to start trusting myself to handle any moment in time no matter what it was. I started making a gratitude list of daily items or events that I was thankful for. I began to realize that all I really had to think about was the current moment and nothing more. If I could honestly say that I did trust myself, then I had nothing to worry about. Finally, I needed to appreciate the simplicity in my life instead of looking at it as a burden.
My trip to Phuket in April was when all of this daily practice solidified. Thailand is an easy place to make peace with one’s self. The minute you land you feel a sense of disconnect from the rest of the busy world. I knew that I needed to be away from QLA and Qatar to figure some things out and gain perspective. Also, Thailand is very familiar to me after being there so many times. It’s comfy.
One thing I realized is being around beauty and a change of scenery was good for my soul. Taking time off from work was not enough. I needed to be out of Qatar and surrounded by greenery, blue water and palm trees. Nature has such a healing effect and I noticed there were times when I just laid by the pool staring at the trees, engulfing myself in their beauty. I began to notice the tiniest things: pink lotus flowers floating lazily in the water, the soft glow of a smoldering orange sunset, or the shockingly red watermelon shakes that tasted so good after a day at the beach. It was truly the little, daily things that wowed me and I just wanted to bask in it. This was one of the first trips where I was immersed in nature in that way and I started to feel alive.
Simplicity was another way of healing myself. Every day I would lay out by the water whether it was by the choppy sea or the hotel pool. I had my kindle to read, fruit shakes to drink and music to listen to. Eventually I would sashay down to my favorite massage spot to get a foot rub or go out for a nice dinner. There wasn’t one excursion planned throughout the duration of my trip and I liked it that way. I wanted to be anchored and find a way of connecting myself to me again. Another element that added to my very basic agenda was staying at the Hilton. That hotel is designed to make a guest comfortable and at ease. Because it was so big with many pools, a gym, spa and restaurant, one really needn’t leave the premises. I could have just secluded myself there in my own private paradise. It’s a happy place.
With each passing day I was focused on being in the present. I had made up my mind ahead of time that I was going to enjoy every single moment of my break and I did; nothing else mattered except being in that place and time. Each day was more special than the last and I knew when I returned to Qatar that I could look back fondly on this vacation and know that I had my mojo back! There were only eight more weeks left in the school year and I was ready to get to them. With my return home, I brought back with me my tools of simplicity, being surrounded by beauty (hard to do in Qatar but possible if you look) as well as staying present in the now. My trip allowed me to take a breath and put all of my previous learning in place.
It is worth mentioning that before I had even left for Thailand I had to realize that all of my happiness could not rely on my upcoming vacation because soon enough, the trip would be over and I would have to return to reality again. The question was, “How could I make my trip last for the remainder of the school year if not longer?” And “How can every day feel like a vacation?” As Eckhart Tolle always says, bad times never last long but neither do the good times. I have learned to stay neutral, and not calling an event good or bad but just let it be as it is. Most importantly, as Goethe says, I need to “Trust myself and you will know how to live.” With each change and challenge in life, that quote is worth remembering and repeating. If you can say it and really believe it, one will always be okay. Long live Thailand as it will always remain one of the closest places to heaven on Earth and I will always be grateful.
