In Kuwait, Thursday is our last day of the week. It is our "Friday" back home. By the end of the week, as with any job I believe, I am exhausted. Waking up early, tutoring, and motivating middle schoolers has taken its toll. On the bright side, I look forward to having my weekly dinner out at a nice restaurant to unwind, chat with my friends and relax. One advantage of living in Kuwait, is that many people eat dinner out much later than us. Where I go out from 5-7 PM, they are going out between 7-10. Needless to say, when I am out having dinner, there is usually very few people there which makes the atmosphere extra tranquil.
Tonight during dinner, there was a noticeable change. The key factor being: babies. There were at least two babies in the restaurant and let me tell you, tranquility was gone. It is okay; I don't expect my dinners out to be just with other adults. But what I did realize, is my desire to remain child-free in my own marriage continues to get stronger and stronger by the day. Maybe it is because I am a teacher and I am surrounded by children all week. Maybe it is because I am happy and satisfied with my life, marriage and career and don't feel the need or desire to start a family. Let me tell you, at 3:00 PM after a week of teaching preteens, there is nothing I like better than to stroll back home to my apartment, close the door, take a bath and just see how my weekend unfolds. Sometimes I feel guilty for not wanting to have kids and why is that? I have waited for that maternal feeling to kick in years ago but it never has. I also thought that when you found the right person and got married the mom thing would surface but it still hasn't. Will I regret not having kids someday? I don't think so and so far I haven't. I think the biggest thing I can do is to remain honest with myself. And, as far as my dinner out tonight... I am actually thankful for the meal and the clarity.
