2010 and Turning Forty!

2010 was a big one and with it came the big birthday. The one you have heard about all of your life and never thought you would ever get to: forty. Granted, I have long since prepared for the massiveness and mayhem of the occasion. I had read magazine articles and books, listened to others talk about turning forty and imagined what it would be like. Furthermore, I had spent my 39th year in quiet mourning; preparing myself for the big landmark that awaited me the following year.
Was I really ready? I believe so (not that it matters). Forty comes no matter what and I think the best thing you can do is to try accepting it with grace and dignity. But, I had turned forty in Qatar. This was in amidst of a surreal yet at times painful and tumultuous experience of moving to a new country, working with unfamiliar people, and teaching at a new school. This school was a boarding school for boys who were, well, very needy. I was so focused on keeping my head above the water mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically that I hardly had time shedding tears about my age. Maybe that distraction was a good thing.
It was at this point I realized that every “milestone” birthday in my life (20, 30, and 40) took place at a time filled with: craziness, pandemonium, stress, excitement, anxiety, fear and vulnerability. I began to see a pattern emerge starting in 1990.
If you are like me, I have little recollection of my twentieth birthday. I was going to college at SUNY Potsdam at the time and can safely assume I went out partying to celebrate it. Yet, I was in amidst of a turbulent transition. Just a month prior, I had left home, and transferred from a small two-year college and moved up near the Canadian border. It was the furthest I had ever been away from home and for the first time in my life, I felt like I was on my way to becoming independent which was both exciting yet terrifying. Because of the distance, I just could not drive home to see family as much as I used to. Furthermore, I was just settling into my dorm, adjusting to a new roommate, making new friends and attending new classes when all of a sudden, I turned twenty. Not that it was any big deal really. I guess when you are a college kid and live in New York, you get more excited about turning twenty-one. But still, it was a considerable change.
Then, for my 30th birthday -more of the same! I was hired at Cazenovia Elementary School that August, a month prior. I had just moved out of my Mom’s house in North Norwich to get an apartment in Manlius, New York. I had thought my current boyfriend and I were getting this place together but he had changed his mind. I was on my own. Furthermore, I’d just started going to Onondaga BOCES for Reading Recovery training which I would be teaching that fall. I found Burton Street Elementary more intense than my old school; really forcing me to grow professionally and mentally. Once again, life was a whirlwind. I had moments of sheer happiness mixed with fear, stress, and intense anxiety. At times, I wanted to just quit and move back home with mom where it was safe again. In reality, I kept plugging along and finally received my Reading Recovery certification. I also finished my first year at Burton Street Elementary, made wonderful new friends, and thanked God that I had stuck with things. In fact, after two years, I was strong and ready enough to take that leap into teaching overseas.
Fast forward ten years and bring on forty! Here we go again: another move, another job after living and working in Kuwait for eight years. The elation of beginning a new life and starting new challenges wore off fast after my move to Qatar. It then became a time of survival, culture-shock and panic. Bam! I turned forty in September with not a minute to think or feel about what that might entail. I was in transition mode again. Was it simpler the hundredth time around? Not really, as each shift or change is so varied from the last. I do not think it ever gets easier, but you do get smarter; which brings me to my next point.
Soon I was able to breathe again and really reflect on this colossal milestone in my life. I had many questions I wanted to ask myself such as, “Was I happy at forty?”, “Was I in a good place in life?”, “Did I have any regrets?”, “Do I still have goals?” and “Where was I headed?” This forced me to think about these milestone birthdays and where I have come from. I then made some realizations and one of which was, how lucky I was in many ways. All of those transitions in my life had helped to push and mold me into who I was today, and luckily, I liked that person. The struggles of age twenty prepared me for my 30’s and my transitions at thirty prepared me for the now, the present moment.
I like that it takes time to develop the knowledge, insight, life experiences and maturity that one can only experience with age. One can look back on those memories with pride, confidence and good feeling knowing we fought the good fight, had some fun along the way and came out all right. Sometimes I am amazed at what myself (and others), had to tackle while growing up: parents’ divorce, breakups, extended families, high school, college, tests, death, loss of family, pets, and friends, moving away, and starting over among others. And while you are going through it, you think it will never work out or get better but it does and we learn a thing or two along the way.
So, getting back to the questions, yes I am happy at forty. Maybe not at being forty so much but I am happy with myself and my life at the age of forty. I read a quote recently and I use it often: “Happiness is a choice.” I realize no matter what the year, the transition, bump in the road or circumstance, you can always find pockets of happiness and joy. It is up to us to put in the effort to search and find it. Also, I am concentrating more on the present moment and not so much on the past, or future or the “if only I…” I did not understand this way of thinking in my younger years but now, I finally do. I appreciate and welcome my 40’s with a grateful, simplistic, and open heart. I look forward to life in general, appreciating, and sharing it with the people I love. Last but not least, I know I have to trust myself and all will be well. I remember this quote fondly by Goethe: “Trust yourself and you will know how to live.” And that is exactly what I intend to do.

Happily Ever After

I found this article in a newspaper called "Common Ground" while in Calgary... It is about our purposes here on Earth and how our: "Happily Ever After" attitude or outlook can change over the years... I really enjoyed reading it and of course, wanted to share it with others. Jen


Happily Ever After



UNIVERSE WITHIN by Gwen Randall-Young

Every end is a new beginning.
– Proverb

Why is it that close to half of all marriages end in divorce? Are we more fickle, less committed, more restless and always searching for more?

We fall in love and it feels so wonderful that we want it for the rest of our lives. We get married, promising to love one another until death. We fall in love not only with the person, but also with the dream, the vision of what we think our life should be. At this moment in the evolving vision, we press pause and say that this is the picture I choose for my life.

It is the very human, egoic part of our being that does it this way. At the time, it is all that we know. We think we are the director of our life story and that we can set the agenda. If this were true, marriages would not end in divorce, accidents would not happen, loved ones would not die before we are ready to let them go and we would achieve all we desire.

Ego does not like to acknowledge that on this journey, the power is shared. We are only one half of the equation; the universe is the other half. This second half is the manifestation of soul’s destiny or purpose.

Imagine a sailboat setting out to sea. All the charts and weather patterns have been studied and a smooth, enjoyable journey is expected. Now imagine there is a sailing coach who has the ability to manipulate the oceans. He decides that, while a smooth journey would be nice, the sailor is very capable and would learn so much more if there were challenges along the way. He knows that while the challenges will be difficult, the sailor will gain strength and wisdom in struggling through them.

So the sailor sets out prepared to have an easy sail, with lots of rest and relaxation. A few days in, he discovers it will be anything but. He encounters rough seas with high waves and has to push himself to the limit to manage them. Eventually, the storm passes and he thinks the worst is now over and he can finally relax. Of course, the moment he does relax is the moment the rogue wave hits.

Our life’s journey and our relationships often go this way. While the ego plans to fall in love and live happily ever after, the soul’s agenda involves so much more. Sometimes, it seems like this: two people are drawn together with a powerful attraction and know they want to be together. Things go well as they plan their lives. Children come and they are overjoyed. A few, or many, years later, they are just not happy with each other and with their lives. Despite all of their efforts, they cannot get the feelings back. The love has faded, if not died.

It seems as though while they were dreaming, the bigger agenda involved bringing the souls of their children into this world. Those souls picked this mom and that dad and so they had to be together to fulfill this purpose. Once the purpose was fulfilled, there was no longer any reason for them to stay together. In fact, the universe had other agendas in which they needed to participate. Unaware of this, they go through all the pain and angst about how this should not have happened, as we do tend to think of divorce as a breakdown or failure of something that should have lasted.

I think we still need to believe in love, make sincere commitments and aim for the lifelong love with which some are blessed. At the same time, we need to learn to accept that the universe sometimes has other plans for us and the ending of the marriage is really no one’s fault. With this, we can learn to let go gracefully and honour one another for the gifts that surely were there, once upon a time.

Gwen Randall-Young is a psychotherapist in private practice and author of Growing Into Soul: The Next Step in Human Evolution. For more articles, permission to reprint and information about her books and “Deep Powerful Change” personal growth/hypnosis CDs, visit www.gw

Dog Photography

New York Wine Country

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of returning to the Cayuga Lake wine trail which is located in the Finger Lakes region of NY. If you look on a map, Cayuga Lake is one of the bigger of the lakes and as you proceed down the trail, you end up in Ithaca NY which is a really cool city as I found out.
Getting back to Cayuga Lake... One of the things that I love about that area in general is that it is all about farming. It contains wineries, orchards, grain fields as well as corn everywhere you look. The land is rugged, yet pure... as if you were going back in time. Life moves at a slower pace which is welcoming when you are on vacation.
One of the wineries I enjoyed in particular was the Knapp family winery. We had a wonderful server who was an elderly, retired, gentleman and just as sweet as can be. He made our experience there that much better with his honesty, warmth, and conversation. The Knapp winery specializes in Riesling wines (which we bought a bottle of) and makes a killer red table wine which I purchased as well. Although I am not a big wine drinker (or drinker of alcohol in general), I still like to have a glass of red wine from time to time. When you live in a dry country for as long as I have, it is nice to be able to even buy a bottle of wine. As my friend Regina says, "I want the right to be able to say 'no'!"
It had been about 15 years since I had visited the wineries and it may just be another 15 years until I go back. Yet, I enjoyed my time there and each time I return, I learn just a little bit more about wine.

Tomisms! (Funny Things my Dad Says Everyday)

I am making a list of things my Dad says or does as I have been home... I will continue adding more to the list as time goes by. Warning: There are some swears here....
1. Asks Dave, "Which is better, HD TV or 3 D TV?"
2. Dad has a shot of whiskey sometimes before bed at night. He pours the whiskey into a shot glass (I thought he was going to drink it as a shot) but he takes it into the living room and sips out of it for 1/2 an hour...? I asked if he would rather put it into a glass with ice and he says no. Okay.....
3. "This finicky remote pisses me off!"
4. Talking about the killer in Peru.... "Give him some electrical treatment and he will talk!"
5. Talking about the Clint Eastwood songs on his Ipod.... "I got his songs on my Ipod...I love them... They are brain relaxers!"
6. Talking about the crazy farmer next door "You tick him off and you'll wake up with a shit spreader in your bedroom!"
7. "Come and look at this! One of the dogs took a shit on my lawmower! They must not think too much of it to do that! I am flabbergasted!"
8. By God... Look at that! Another ass drencher! (Talking about the storm)

I will continue to add more as the summer goes by. Too funny not to post!

The Past Eight Years in Kuwait and what I have Learned from Some of the Men Here

This list of things is meant to be sarcastic and funny but honest at the same time! These are based on some of my experiences in Kuwait.

1. Do not answer your cell phone when you do not recognize the number. More than likely it is a random guy looking for a date, a hook-up or just to annoy you. It seems men call random numbers in hopes of the above. Gross and just plain stupid.
2. Be careful of walking around in supermarkets. Some men will follow you around with an empty shopping cart while trying to keep their distance behind you. I don’t know what they want, but I imagine it is similar to number one.
3. When riding in a car, do not look out your window to the left or right at anytime. Some men will take this as a flirty invite and may follow you all around the town.
4. Walking right behind your husband actually does have its advantages. It will block the stares of other men trying to sneak a peek.
5. You will have to raise your voice often (because you are not being listened to or taken seriously). Unfortunately, I have learned that I need a megaphone to be heard. I have even thrown my sunglasses on the ground in a fit of rage to get a point across. Geez!
6. When you are in Starbucks and feel you are being watched, YES you probably are! I have noticed some men using a newspaper to spy on me from behind it. Ick!
7. Do not be overly concerned if weirdo men pull over in their cars as you are walking to ask if you are married or have a boyfriend. Also, these same men may have curtains hanging up in their car over the windows. This is very common-moronic, but common.
8. Don't sit in the subway (restaurant) window to eat your sandwich while you are there. Men will walk by and keep walking by to stare. Maybe they think you are one of the store displays. I do not know.

Of course not all men are like this. It is usually the random guy here and there. I have become much stronger from all of my experiences

English Department -End of the Year Breakfast

This past weekend we had our annual end of the year breakfast to say goodbye to teachers who are leaving AIS and to celebrate JUNE! I thought I would be getting more and more emotional about leaving Kuwait but it hasn't really happened yet. Either it hasn't sunken in yet or I am really just that ready to move on. We shall see in the next two weeks how I will be doing. Happy June everyone!